Honor Under Siege - Radclyffe

of my miscalculation.

“Bul shit, Cam said dismissively. “Number one, youre part of the team.

Number two, its not your miscalculation. Number three, I was going to

suggest you meet with him myself.

“Real

y.

Cam rubbed her neck wearily. “Yes. I think wed break this eventual y,

but I dont think we have the time. We cant stay here forever.

Blair has public obligations. Diane has a life, and I thinkno, I knowtheyl

try to get to you through her. We have to draw out your handler and

Matheson on our terms.

“I agree. Besides, I never did enjoy waiting for someone else to

dictate conditions.

“Then lets start cal ing the shots ourselves, Cam said

fiercely.

“Al right. Valerie hesitated. “May I ask you a personal

question?

Cam smiled. “Theres something left about me you dont

know?

Valerie touched her sleeve, then dropped her hand. “Many things, Im

sure. This is about Blair.

“Go

ahead.

“Do you tel her about these

things?

“Oh man, ask me something easy. Cam slid her hands into her

pockets and walked the length of the room, then returned. “I tel her

as much as I can because thats my part of what keeps us together.

“And whats hers? Valerie asked.

“She tries to understand why I do what I do and doesnt ask

me not to.

“Shes going to be unhappy about

this.

“Possibly, but not nearly as unhappy as Diane is going to

be.

“I havent decided if Im going to tell her. Valerie returned to

the window. “It will be beautiful here if it snows.

“You know, Im the last person to give advice on personal matters,

Cam said, standing beside her.

Valerie laughed softly.

“But? “You should tell her.

“Why?

“Because you owe it to her. You let her fall in love with you.

You

could have stopped it.

“I couldnt. Pain fil ed Valeries voice. “I couldnt because I

needed her so much.

“Then you forfeited your right to make unilateral

decisions.

“Your approach to relationships is something like battle

planning, Cameron, Valerie said.

Cam lifted her shoulder. “You use what you know.

“ W h a t I know is that Im not going to run anymore.

From anything.

“The only way were going to know if Henry has turned is if

he makes a move to take you out.

“Yes, Valerie said evenly. “In this particular instance, the length

of our relationship works against him. Hes used to thinking of

me as a subordinate. Hell probably be suspicious, but I dont

believe hell truly see me as a threat.

“Hell still have the first

shot. “Ill just have to duck.

“Lets hammer out a plan with Felicia and Savard so you dont

have to.

* * * * *

“Im not going to like this, am I? Blair stepped away from

the canvas she was painting and faced Cam, brush in hand.

Cam smiled crookedly. “Probably not at first,

but

“Just tell me, and let me decide.

Cam moved a few more steps inside the door and studied

Blairs new work. Shed never seen her paint a portrait before,

and this one caught her by surprise. Blair had captured

Valeries innate loneliness in her remote expression and the

faraway focus of her ice blue eyes. Cam found it hard to look

away as she crossed the studio to her lover.

A roaring fire blazed in a large stone fireplace against the far

wall. The only other light came from several spotlights that

Blair had focused on her easel. Blair wore a faded red plaid

flannel shirt a size too big, faded jeans, and moccasins. She had

been engrossed in working on a small area of shading and hadnt

heard Cam enter the room at first. Cam was sorry to have

disturbed her.

She put both hands on Blairs shoulders and kissed her. “Thats

beautiful.

“So is she. Blair gave a quizzical smile. “I havent been able to

get her face out of my mind. Ive seen beautiful women before,

but its not just that shes attractive. Shes hauntingly sad and yet so

strong.

“The sadness will disappear the longer shes with Diane.

Cam rubbed her cheek over Blairs hair. “Mine did.

“Cam, Blair wrapped her arms around Cams waist and

caressed her back. “You sound a little sad right now.

Silently, Cam shook her head and kissed Blairs throat, then brushed

her lips over Blairs ear. “I love you.

Blair leaned back, keeping her thighs tight against Cams, and

smoothed her palms over Cams chest. “Oh, darling. I love you too.

Now tel me the bad news. I know you didnt interrupt me just to

remind me why I love you so much.

Cam winced. “I need to talk to you about an operation were planning,

and I

need you not to tel

Diane.

“Please Cam. I cant just stand by and watch Diane be

used

Cam shook her head. “Its not like that. Its not that I dont want her to

know, but its not your place or mine to tel her about it. Its Valeries.

Blair snapped of the spotlights, leaving only the fireplace to il uminate

the room, and walked a few feet away to face the fire. Cam watched

the red glow cast Blair in shadows and dreaded the distance that was

about to come between them.

“Valerie is going to arrange a meet with her handler, Cam

added.

“Is that safe?

Cam said

nothing.

“You dont know, do you? Thats the reason for the meeting, to try towhat,

make him show his hand?

“Something

like

that.

“This was Valeries idea? Blair glanced back at Cam. Beyond her,

through the window, the night sky was devoid of moon or stars. The

ocean was a distant thunder that might have been the sound of bombs fal

ing.

“Yes, Cam said, “but I was going to suggest it if she

hadnt.

Blair shook her head wearily. “You two are far more alike than I ever

realized.

She paused, her expression rueful. “Appearances can sometimes

be so deceiving. Valerie looks so much like the woman she was

supposed to bethe kind of woman who would spend her time acquiring

fine art and appreciating the company of a handsome woman like you

in her bed.

“Blai

r

“And of course, Blair went on undeterred, “she is those things, isnt

she? But shes also as single-minded and stubborn andand reckless, in

her way, as you and al the rest. Blair threw up her hands. “God,

Cameron. Is there no other way?

“We dont think

so.

“I know there are things youre not tel ing me, but you dont need to spel

it out for me to know how dangerous this is. How worried about you

do I need to be?

Cam kept her gaze steady but she flashed on Valerie, alone, with a man

who very probably wanted to kil her. “Il be backup. Its far more

dangerous for her.

Blair tilted her head as if listening to something that hung in the air

between them. “Youre frightened. Frightened for her.

“I always worry about my

team

“No, its more than that. Blair closed the distance between them and

set led her hands lightly on Cams waist. “Its okay. I know how you feel

about her.

Cam shook her head. “No. You

dont.

Blair smiled wistful y. “You are everything in the world to me. And you

love me perfectly, Cam. Perfectly.

“I wish I did. Cam frowned as she skimmed her fingers through Blairs

hair. “But

I swear Ive never loved anyone like I love you, and never

wil .

“See what I mean? Blair kissed her softly. “Perfectly. She

traced the column of Cams neck and slid her fingers underneath

the collar of her blue button-down shirt. “Id like to ask you a

favor.

“Ill do it if I

can.

“Let Savard lead the operation. Youre too close to Valerie and

Im afraid of what youll do if shes in trouble.

Cam rested her forehead against Blairs. “I have the most

experience with operations like this. Savard is not a hundred

percent. I cant let Valerie do this without the best backup

possible. She looked deeply into Blairs eyes. “It has to be me.

When Blair framed Cams face, her hands trembled. “Promise

me that you will not sacrifice yourself for her. I dont care about

your duty. I dont care about your honor. I care that you come

home to me. So you promise me that.

“I Cam thought about what it meant to have Valerie and

Savard and the others place their trust in her, to lead them

into danger with the pledge that she would guard their wel -

being with her life. She thought about what it meant to ask for

the love of a woman. She had asked for Blairs love, and her

vow had been sworn the first time Blair had said I love you

and she had not walked away. “I promise.

* * * * *

Diane found Valerie on the beach.

“Im sorry if you wanted to be alone. She kept both hands in

the pockets of her coat, even though she wanted to touch her.

“Savard and Felicia came up to the house for a late supper and

said that youd gone for a walk.

Valerie slid both arms around Dianes shoulders and kissed

her softly on the mouth. “Dont apologize. Im glad to see you. Im

sorry I lost track of time.

“Its cold and you dont have any gloves.

“Im fine.

Diane pressed close to her. “Youre not. Youre shivering.

Valerie smiled. “Lets go inside, then. Have you eaten?

“Not tonight. I was waiting for you.

“Sorry.

Diane kissed her lightly. “Stop saying

that.

“All right. Valerie took Dianes hand. “Lets grab something quick

to eat and warm up in bed.

“If I have a choice between you in bed or a meal, Im not going

to need dinner.

Valerie laughed. “Then lets go to bed first and have a

midnight snack later.

“What I have in mind might take longer than midnight

to accomplish. Diane drew Valeries hand into her pocket as

they

climbed through the dunes. “I want to make love to you

because

Ive been thinking about it all

day.

“I think I hear a but , Valerie said

gently.

Diane took a breath. “But I dont want to be with you while part of my

mind is wondering what secret youre keeping. Is it something you can tel

me?

Valerie stopped on the back porch and pul ed Diane into the shelter

of her body, out of the wind. She rested her cheek against Dianes.

“Were planning an operation. Im preoccupied, thats al .

“An operation. You and Cam and the

others?

“Yes.

“Wil

it

be

dangerous?

Valerie hesitated. “It could be if were careless, but were not going

to be.

“I dont have any experience with this. Ive known Blair most of our lives

and I

thought I had some understanding of what her life was like, but I was

wrong.

Valerie stif ened. “I had no right to drag you into this. It might be bet er

if I left. Diane turned Valerie until she could see her face in the faint

light coming through

the windows from the house. “Is that what you want? To leave meto

leave us?

“No, Valerie whispered

faintly.

“Then dont ever say that again. Just give me time to get used to this.

Can you do that?

“Yes. God, yes. Anything. Valerie kissed her again, her fingers trembling

as she cupped Dianes face. She buried her face in the warmth of

Dianes throat.

“Anything, anything as long as I dont lose

you.

“You must be certain that I dont lose you either. Diane kissed Valerie

urgently. “Al right?

Mutely, Valerie nodded, hoping that her silence would be taken as the

promise she couldnt make.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Thursda

y

V alerie grabbed the phone on the first ring and slipped

from bed.

“Yes? She moved to the window and peered out into a starless black

night. She was barely silhouet ed, but Diane could stil make out the

shimmering outline of her body.

“Im readyI had to be sure. Yes. Yes, but I dont trust her. She

lowered her voice and Diane strained to hear. “Look, I cant talk

Where?No, somewhere I can be sure youre alone. Trust? She

laughed harshly. “You might be fol owedLook, forget it. Il just Yes,

that wil work. Al right, if thats what you wantNo, thats too soon.

Because I dont want to alert anyone here to what Im doing Yes. Fine.

The usual.

After breaking the connection, Valerie remained stil in the silent room,

listening to the echo of his voice and the breathing of the woman in

the bed. Between those two people lay the boundaries of her world

past and futurebordered by truth and lies. Quietly, she made her way

across the room and slipped back into bed. She drew Diane into her arms.

“Im sorry I woke you.

“How did you know? Diane

asked.

“I could tel from the way youre

breathing.

“Youre

very

perceptive.

Valerie grimaced. “Its funny, I was trained to do two opposite things

equal y wel . To avoid intimacy with anyone, while at the same time

being sensitive to every nuance of expression and movement. It seems

Ive spent my life watching, but never living.

Diane took Valeries hand and drew it to her breast. “Im alive and Im

very real. So is my love for you.

“Why? Valerie murmured, cradling Dianes breast and brushing her lips

over the nipple. “I cant imagine this is what you want.

“This? You mean being with

you?

“Everything that being with me means. Valerie sighed and rested her

cheek between Dianes breasts, stil softly caressing her nipple.

“Your phone cal . That was the person you report to,

right?

“Yes.

“Youre going to meet with